I thought I had dealt with that!

 In Kat's Blog

What blew me away when writing Soft Underbelly was how I reacted when writing some of the chapters.

There were plenty of times I felt angry.  Anger at what a crappy hand I had been dealt in life.  Anger at how I had been hoodwinked into believing I was worthless. And angry at how my early childhood had perverted the course of my life.

My untruths saw me walk like a lamb to the slaughter house into a series of violent and abusive relationships.

I realised through my writing of Soft Underbelly how damaging my self talk had been throughout my younger life.  I did not seem to possess a shred of self esteem.  This had long been eroded from my dysfunctional childhood.

I honestly did not expect the flood of emotion that swept through me when writing about my childhood pregnancy.

Decades have passed, babies have been born and grown into adults and yet that particular chapter had me sobbing in a foetal position.

I knew I had to persist; I needed to purge myself of all that had gone before me.  What I thought had been dealt with and safely filed away in a locked filing cabinet within my mind was in fact open and flapping in the wind.

The pain was real as were the tears.  I couldn’t put it in a pretty box and tie it up with a bright shiny ribbon to be opened some time in the future.

If I was going to tell my story, I had to let it come through.  I had to allow myself to feel the pain, embrace it and with love let it go.

Bury it the way I had to bury my first baby.

Soft Underbelly helped me to say a final goodbye to my past.

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Showing 4 comments
  • Peter Johnson
    Reply

    Kath as your brother, I can’t say in words how proud I am of you to complete such an emotional and revealing project as writing Soft Underbelly. What you have achieved and overcome in your life to get to this stage is a tribute to your inner strength and a testimony to never giving up on yourself or life. I hope you are as proud as I am of your incredible achievements. As you say Soft Underbelly is already a success as is whatever else you turn your hand to. Lots of Love Peter

  • Kathryn Powell
    Kathryn Powell
    Reply

    Thanks for your support Peter. It must be confronting for you to read these details about your little sister, but I know you understand this story needed to be written. Love Kat.

  • Kathryn Powell
    Kathryn Powell
    Reply

    Thank you for your positive input. I will keep writing it is fabulous to get encouragement from readers.

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